am i really quitting smoking?

Am I really quitting smoking when I’m chomping on my dwindling supply of nicotine gum?  Sure, my breathing is a bit better, and I’m not spending any money on smokes, but still, I’m getting my blasts of nicotine.  A big part of smoking is the chemical addiction to  nicotine.

As I learned with my experience with Chantix,  my smoking addiction is deeper than just the nicotine.  I was completely nicotine free for months when I decided to have just one smoke.  I thought if I indulged myself, I would stop obsessing on smoking.  I missed it – missed the feeling of the smoke entering my body, filling me up, the catch in the back of my throat, the thorough joy of sitting on the couch in front of the TV with a pack of smokes and my computer.

One cigarette.  Then a little while later, another.  Then a whole pack.  Then another whole pack.  And then two whole packs.  Next thing I knew, I was sitting on the dirt road watching the wagon rumble away without me.

Starting tomorrow, I’m going to have limit my nicotine gum. Tomorrow is Sunday, and I must return to work Monday.  I’ve got to face everyday life instead of hiding in the apartment with my cat babies and my Xanax.

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